yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
