what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
