She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Let's get the cat blown out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
