Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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