well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
