so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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