Duck Duck Cougar?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
