U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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