I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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