At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
