I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
