is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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