Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
