Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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