I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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