I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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