Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
