You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I smell stomach acid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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