Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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