Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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