The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
