Non-Jews are for practice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
