Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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