So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
