went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
