I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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