it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
