Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
