i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
