Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
