You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
