Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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