I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ok first of all what the fuck
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
