i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
