I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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