Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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