bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
