Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
