if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
