i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
