It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
