I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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