I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
