I love black thongs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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