I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
