I have demons in me.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
