I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
