So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
