I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
