he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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