if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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