So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
