you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
