Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
