U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
