I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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