My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
