Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
