Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize