Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
